When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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