i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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