Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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