you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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