I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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