apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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