i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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