shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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