I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
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Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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