Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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