So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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