Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize