woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize