I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize