today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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