Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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