I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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