The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid is not a monday night drug
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize