I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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