Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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