I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize