I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize