He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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