yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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