You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
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Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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