I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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