NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
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i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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