My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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