I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize