And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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