So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize