is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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