my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize