Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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