does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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