going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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