so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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