Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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