Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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