I should be sponsored by Trojan
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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