So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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