I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
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Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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