Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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