i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize