I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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