I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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