and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
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I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The air taste purple.
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