I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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