I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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