At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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